Typing While Screaming Inwardly

Someone expressed surprise to me the other day that I hadn't written about the whole iparty controversy. Well, in truth, I planned to. I began researching to write about the incident, and while doing so I couldn't help but run into scads of information on the Ronald McDonald House controversy. To be completely honest, the combination of these two stories made me so bitterly angry that I was having trouble stringing together coherant sentences.

But, some time later, here I am. I will write very little on this topic, because I feel that the very fact that breastfeeding only seems to make the news when someone is shamed for doing so does very little to encourage mothers to breastfeed. I would like this blog to be one of positive information, not defensive anger (albeit rightly so!).

It took a very long time before I was comfortable breastfeeding my baby in public. To be sure, the word "comfortable" still doesn't accurately describe how I feel when it becomes necessary to breastfeed in a public place. If my husband is with me, or if I am with a group of friends, I feel more comfortable than I would otherwise. But the entire action is one that makes me inherently nervous--I find myself surreptitiously looking around, making sure I'm getting no glances of disgust from passers-by. I feel a rush of adrenaline not entirely unlike the one Winona Ryder must have felt when she pocketed all that merchandise. Why do I, an educated, eloquent, fearless woman feel this way about doing something that is my and my child's right?

Well, that's simple. Because I've been made to feel like I should feel that way.

Whenever controversies of this type come out, the web is clogged with "epolls" and such asking if women should be "allowed" (don't get me started on the semantics of that word choice) to breastfeed in public. The answers tend to be all over the board, with more than a few stating that, "if they do so discreetly", they should be "allowed" to breastfeed.

"Discreetly".

Whenever someone speaks to me aloud about breastfeeding women and how some are "not" "discreet", I am distracted by the large, flashing letters spelling out "A-S-S-H-O-L-E" that appear over his or her head. Seriously--have you ever seen a woman who needs to breastfeed and does a striptease? Or maybe flings her breast in circles like a lasso? Or yells out, "MY BOOB IS TOTALLY EXPOSED AND I AM TOTALLY FEEDING MY BABY SO PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT ALL THE SUCCULENT BOOBAGE THAT IS CURRENTLY EXPOSED, OK?"

I thought not.

When I hear the word "discreetly" used in this manner, the subtext I hear loud and clear is: as long as I don't have to know it is happening. It reminds me of people who say things like "It's fine that he's gay, but I don't want to have to look at it/hear about it."

This all brings about the discussion everyone is having on their blogs: Why do people find breasts offensive or disgusting when they are being used for their very purpose? Why is it that a breast on the cover of Maxim at the checkout stand not an issue, while a woman trying to be "discreet" but still unable to prevent a half-moon of pale flesh from being exposed while feeding her hungry infant IS?

The answer is a complicated one that delves into American society and patriarchy and our culture of women as a good to be consumed...one that I don't have the time or patience to answer today. But I will say this--the aforementioned Ronald Mcdonald House controversy involved a woman feeding her infant WHO HAS A BRAIN TUMOR in a public area of the House and being asked to leave because a man in the same area was "uncomfortable". In this way, she was made responsible for his level of comfort or discomfort. She was acting "inappropriately", and the poor widdle MAN who can't control himself just had to act, which in this case meant asking to have her removed. As disconcerting as it may be, this somewhat resembles the defense you'll hear in many rape trials--that He Can't Control Himself. That She Should Act More Appropriately. How absurd to denigrate this fellow by attempting to "remove" the problem, and thus implying that he is unable to look away if he does not wish to look towards. When will our society stop limiting both men and women in this way?

More importantly, when will people begin to accept that the bodily needs of a small child trump the "fragile sensiblities" of any adult who has the neck strength to LOOK AWAY already?

It seems that we still have a very long way to go. In the U.S. in 2004, 70% of babies were breastfed at some point. By 6 months of age (the age until which the APA recommends exclusive breastfeeding), only 36% were still being breastfed. I'm sure the imagined inability to breastfeed in public without repercussion is partially responsible for this gap.

Personally, I have no plan to breastfeed in public either more or less frequently in light of these recent occurrences. I'll keep on going as if they had never been brought before me. But I'm always ready with my retorts in case someone ever does approach me.